Hey, so, I haven't written anything but venting poetry for ages, so I just came up with this random...thing. I don't even know what it is-prose? Who knows. Anyway I welcome constructive comments, as always 
Edited! Old, but edited. (8th October 2010)
It was one of those dark nights, the ones that seem to creep in through your clothes and go inside your nose so you smell the pine around the paths, hear the darkness itself, the cousin of silence, and feel the bare chill; this darkness enters through the nostrils as much as it sweeps through your pores and blows through your mouth, scaring all the screams out of your body until you’re just another corpse in the woods.
It’s the kind of darkness writers love to write about and shiver as they imagine it, but it’s the kind of story you can’t get too involved in, else before you know it you’re that very same corpse on that very same muddy path through the crowds of waiting trees. (They wait for someone to drag you through them, lay you down on their roots, and then goodness knows what will find you there. It’s entertainment for them, like soap operas.)
I bet you wish you were at home watching your soaps now, don’t you? Wishing you were sitting in your living room on that squeaky old recliner, with your feet up near the fire and a cup in your hand, curtains drawn so the only world you know is the tiny one coming out of a fourteen-inch wide metal box nearby. But, no, you sigh, you’re walking down this trail that leads to goodness knows where, and goodness knows why, but you’re walking anyway. You wish you could stop. Don’t. They all wish that. And then they do, and that’s when the darkness plunges into them, seizing its chance-the wind lays you down, and the dark covers your eyes and pins you down like a strong, slow rape. You can’t escape. That was your first mistake-to think you could defeat the darkness. By just going out in it you were challenging it. The birds know better. Didn’t you wonder why there were no birds around, not even owls? Not even the silent passing of a shadow, not even the brush of an owl’s wings as it swooped down on a rat like the darkness was swooping down on you?
Your second mistake was being naïve. You never realised how powerful the darkness was. You never realised that you were its prey. You didn’t even know it had a name. But it does. It’s too late to tell you what that name is. It doesn’t matter anyway. You’re a prisoner now. And now you’re making your third mistake. You’re thinking that if the darkness has a name, it must have a face.
The most powerful forces are the ones without faces.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Run on sentences can be very tricky to use as they usually just spiral out of control. However I think you avoided overusing them.
The first and last bit of this sentence is a bit of a grammatical mess. Tenses and words are wrong in the first bit, and you're restating things in the end by again saying "in your living room." The person certainly isn't in their living room watching the tv that's in the bedroom.
(I say nearby and not "in front of you" otherwise I would be placing the television inside the fireplace.)
Lastly . . .
By putting the third mistake in a paragraph by itself, you're giving the sentence the spotlight instead of your true last sentence. And of course, chilling sentences come right before the curtain falls. Not during. So add the third mistake in the previous paragraph and give the final sentence the emphasis it needs.
All in all, I liked this.
I rather enjoyed it.
That was a fitting ending for such a creepy tale. Though I do have one critisism.
Quite the run on sentence, no matter how wonderfully descriptive and scary. You could split this up so it doesn't go on for so long.
Even still, I really liked this! Good thing I don't live nearby any ill-gotten forests eh?
LUNA
Golly geez, Matt-write more like this!!!!! I loved it from the first line, and the last line was absolutely bewitching! Awesomeness, girlie, awesomeness!
Wiggy
Rather catching, I'd say.
I'd put 'or else,' instead of just 'else' because saying 'else' is a spoken thing, its a bit of slang and it doesn't roll right in fiction, imo.
I'm not sure what tense you're going with throughout this piece, but for me I'd make it 'sitting in your living room' and 'so the only would you knew is the tiny one' but you'd know what tense you're in better than me, huh? I should have caught it by now, but I haven't.
Should that dash be an em-dash? You make those by going ALT+ 0,1,5,1 ( looks like this: —)
I'd say make this dash into a colon.
Yes, rather catching! It doesn't have much of a plot, but at the same time it flows and draws you in. I'd say, for working your mind back into fiction, this was a pretty good attempt.
Beautiful. Brilliant. Bewitching. Beauteous.
))
((How many more adjectives starting with the letter "B" do you think I can come up with to describe this piece?
I am very impressed. This short work kept me firmly in its grasp the entire time I read.
I thought the above line was especially gripping.
And that last sentence? Superb.
Fantastic work, my friend.
Spectacular writing. Are you sure your only 18???
Totally breathtaking...
The imagery is unbelievable...
I, for a moment believed I was in that forest...
Trippy no?...
Wonderful. Just wonderful.
This reminds me of the time I was afraid of the dark. The first paragraph drew my attention and from there I couldn't avert my eyes, I just had to keep reading.
I thought that was really amazing .. so .. unique to anything I've ever read before! Just one word really ... Wow!
Two words: Excellent. Creepy. *shudders*
I absolutely loved that last line. It's so... I don't know... I'm wanting to describe it as profound, but I hate using that word. It's just so thought provoking and so true.
OK...wow. This is absolutely stunning. You practically knocked me out of my seat with the first paragraph, and continued to blow me away throughout the whole story. Its...so amazing...it was like...you see? You made me speechless. This is too perfect. You made me feel it in my stomach and throat...so...wow. Kudos.
Ooh. Creepy. I like it. Made me think of a voice-over for the beginning of a horror movie or something.